Who is Harmed Most by ‘Evil Speech’?

With heartfelt sorrow, this week’s Dvar Torah is dedicated to the memory and legacy of Joel Hochberg, z”l. Joel, together with his wife Marcia, was a major benefactor of Jewish education, Jewish life, and Jewish institutions throughout the greater South Florida Jewish community and beyond. Joel and Marcia are chiefly responsible for Hochberg Lower School, Posnack School’s East Campus in Hallandale, and the Hochberg Middle School, located on our Main Campus in Davie. Countless children, individuals, families, and educators have been direct beneficiaries of Joel’s and Marcia’s kindness and generosity. May Joel’s memory be for a blessing and may Hashem comfort the entire Hochberg Family together with the other mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.

The ability to speak is a uniquely human component. This ability is expressly stated in the Torah when it describes the creation of mankind. (B’reisheit 2:7 לנפש חיה “a living soul,” Onkelus and Rashi explain “the power of speech,” “the ability to reason and speak.)

Commenting on Mishnah 17 in chapter 1 of Pirkei Avot, Ethics of the Fathers, Maimonides enumerates five categories of speech and gives examples of each: prescribed or obligated, cautioned against, or prohibited, rejected, desired, and permitted. The prescribed includes mitzvot, science, ethics, perfection, wisdom, and the like. If man can speak in this all his days, that is the purpose. Maimonides means man’s purpose is to partake in abstract ideas and communicate them to one another so we can all live by them.

Speech is therefore an essential characteristic of mankind. Yet given that mankind has free choice, we also can misuse this vital human function. So, it is not surprising that the וידוי, the “confessional” we recite during Yom Kippur includes eleven direct references to our improper use of speech.

The majority of this week’s double Torah portion, Tazria-Metzora, deals with various unnatural physical afflictions that would come upon a person’s clothing, house, or body for engaging in לשון הרע, “lashon ha’rah,” translated as “evil speech.”  In his Mishnah Torah, Laws of Daily Conduct, Maimonides tells us that “lashon ha’rah” is a great sin. It is violated when “…one person speaks disparagingly of another person even though it is true.” He then goes on to say something quite puzzling,  “that evil speech destroys three people: the one spoken about, the speaker, and the listener; and the listener is  destroyed or harmed more than the speaker.”

We can understand how the one spoken about and how the speaker of “lashon ha’rah” are harmed. But what does the Maimonides mean when he says, “the listener is destroyed or harmed the most.?”

In the Laws of Repentance, 4:5, Maimonides states, “… it is the nature of lashon ha’rah to be drawn after it, always.” Maimonides means that ‘lashon ha’rah” has a tremendous pull on our psychical energy. All human instincts, such as lust, jealousy, and anger, can be satisfied simultaneously through speech. “Lashon ha’rah” can even find justification or rationalization. “After all,” goes the defense, “I am speaking the truth about so and so!”  “Lashon ha’rah” is insidious. It clings very close to the instinctual apparatus of the person engaged with it. Since this activity absorbs human energy in a negative way and to a very great degree, it must have very harmful affects on the human soul.

The human psyche is complex and so the roots of “lashon ha’rah” are multi-determined. The process of understanding these sources takes time and effort. In any specific case, it may also be a personally painful process to uncover the source. True self-awareness is challenging work. There is no quick fix to the problem. Attempts to curtail “lashon ha’rah” with simplistic remedies, such as not speaking for an hour each day, are invoked by people who do not realize the complexity of human psychology or who do not want to confront the real source of the problem.

Causes of “lashon ha’rah” run very deep and reflect an internal defect. Yet as serious as this defect may be in any personality, the Torah tells us we can successfully remove this serious flaw and become טהור, “purified.”

So how or in what way is the listener harmed more by “lashon ha’rah” than the speaker? “Lashon ha’rah,” while true about the person, is not the sum-total of the essence of the person. Yet, it is used purposely to taint and distort how others should think about the person being disparaged. The listener enjoys hearing this distortion. Although the listener is passive, he or she gets great instinctual gratification without any barrier or quilt. In this way the “lashon ha’rah” charges and becomes part of the listener’s psyche to a greater degree than even in the mind of the speaker. The listener, then, is harmed the most.

Although Maimonides tells us the nature of “lashon ha’rah” is “ to be drawn after it, always,” the knowledge of the strong pull that “lashon ha’rah” exerts on the human psyche is curative. When individually analyzed, the causes can be uncovered, identified, and seen for what they are. The energy going to  them can then be redirected to a worthy and appropriate use of speech. We have the power to undo this self-inflicted damage. In so doing we become purified and restore our standing with God.

May Hashem grant us opportunities to perfect ourselves through knowledge. May we have the strength of character to use this knowledge to refine our inner selves and live as the beings God intended us to be, speaking truth and bestowing loving kindness to all mankind.

Shabbat Shalom,

Rabbi Robert Kaplan